All films rated on a 1 to 10 scale
(1 = dog vomit, 10 = best ever)
When rating a film I ask myself these three questions: What is the director’s goal (purpose of the film)? How does the director try to achieve it? Is the director successful? Hence a big box office hit may get a “5” while a Eurosleaze sexploitation flick gets a “7”. Most recent reviews are at the top. For the most part the newest “Adult” reviews will only appear in that section already alphabetized.
~ ~ ~ ~
Enter the Void (France 2009) (8): Gaspar Noe, the bad boy of French cinema, assaults our senses once more with this acid-tinged karmic mindfuck which makes up for its weak narrative with some dazzling visuals. Orphaned at an early age and then raised in separate foster homes, Linda and Oscar eventually find themselves sharing an apartment in a seedy section of Tokyo where they eke out an existence stripping and dealing narcotics respectively. But when Oscar is killed in a botched drug bust his sister's already unstable life takes a nosedive while Oscar's detached spirit embarks on a meandering tour through the now ethereal streets of downtown Tokyo which suddenly bear an uncanny resemblance to the netherworld described in his tattered copy of "The Tibetan Book of the Dead". Noe pulls all the usual tricks out of his sleeve for this one; vertiginous camerawork spins and loops seemingly at random, pulsating bass beats keep things anchored and everything is awash in lurid shades of neon light. There's the usual transgressive scenes one expects from Gaspar...a thrusting dildo here, an aborted fetus there...but a rough-edged lyricism slowly emerges as we see Oscar's soul buffeted between past and present aided by ubiquitous "portals" as it searches for its next destination. The ending is wholly predictable for anyone able to follow the clues (cryptic signage and artwork abound), but at 160 minutes the journey is breathtaking.
Slither (USA 2006) (9): When a meteorite crashes in the middle of hick town USA (Vancouver!!) it's carrying a most unusual passenger; a slimy barb-shooting slug with a voracious appetite for fresh meat and a frightening ability to control people's minds. Soon pets are disappearing, the town millionaire is sporting a couple of tentacles and the local tramp has been turned into a corpulent bug factory. Will the woefully inexperienced police chief and his band of bumbling deputies be able to destroy the outer space menace before it destroys us? James Gunn's loving homage to 80s horror flicks borrows heavily from the likes of "Alien", "Night Of The Living Dead" and "The Thing". His winning combination of amazing special effects and old-fashioned storytelling has produced a wonderful mix of chilling shocks, deadpan humour and enough spewing blood and mucus to satisfy the most ardent gorehounds. One of the better popcorn movies I've seen in some time.
The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (USA 1974) (8): A group of heavily armed men take a subway car full of passengers hostage threatening to kill one person every minute unless their demands are met. A smart, tightly edited thriller with an all-star cast that manages to keep the action moving right up until the unexpectedly comical ending. Flipping back and forth between claustrophobic interiors and widescreen cityscapes, director Joseph Sargent ratchets up the suspense while keeping the plot simple and believable. A few non-PC moments may make overly sensitive contemporary audiences squirm (listed among the closing credits are "The Homosexual", "The W.A.S.P." and "The Hooker" ha! ha!) but hey, it was the freaking 70s!
The Savages (USA 2007) (9): When their estranged father begins to exhibit early signs of dementia siblings Jon and Wendy Savage not only face the uncomfortable prospect of having him institutionalized, they must also come to terms with a lifetime of resentments, disappointments and unresolved anger. Wendy, a histrionic drama queen and frustrated playwright, covers up her rage by doting on the old man even as her own life circles the drain. Jon, a drama teacher specializing in Bertolt Brecht, tries to distance himself from his own feelings by adopting a coldly rational approach to the situation even though a simple plate of fried eggs can bring him to tears. Meanwhile, dad looks on in a state of helpless bewilderment... Writer/director Tamara Jenkins' excellent family drama combines tense emotional confrontations with just enough mordant humour to allow her audience some breathing space. A beautifully rendered, deeply felt three-hander that rests squarely on the powerful performances of its main leads; Philip Seymour Hoffman, Laura Linney and Philip Bosco.
Grotesque(Japan 2009) (2): A pair of young twenty-somethings are returning from their first date when they're kidnapped by a maniacal doctor and taken to his secret torture chamber. Strung up and helpless they are told by the madman that only their "will to survive" will keep him from killing them outright. What follows is 60 minutes of nauseatingly graphic carnage which comes as close to a pornographic snuff film as I care to go. Limbs are hacked off, eyes gouged out and testicles are nailed to a tabletop. At one point his lower bowel is tied to a meat hook and he is forced to walk across the room while his intestines are slowly pulled out; later on she is sexually assaulted with a chainsaw. A macabre bond eventually forms between victims and tormentor but will it enough to save their lives? Unbelievably gruesome, sadistic and cruel this fucked-up mess is just one long train wreck. What's up with those Japanese anyway?
The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer (USA 1947) (7): Buoyed by an Oscar-winning screenplay and an all-star cast (Cary Grant, Myrna Loy, Shirley Temple) this screwball comedy of misunderstandings and misplaced affections is sure to make you smile, if not exactly laugh out loud. When a roguish artist is put in a precarious position by a lovestruck teenager her older sister, a circuit court judge, makes him an offer he can't refuse; pretend to date the young girl until she can get over her infatuation or else face a number of trumped up charges. Things get complicated however when the judge begins to have romantic feelings of her own and her wannabe boyfriend, an assistant D.A., decides enough is enough. A final showdown in a swank nightclub involving shouting matches and birthday cakes is truly funny!
The Brave Little Toaster (USA 1987) (6): Disney takes anthropomorphism to a new level in this animated tale of five abandoned appliances who take to the road in search of their beloved pint-sized master after his family moves to the big city. Along the way they discover an enchanted pond, spend a night in a scary forest and do battle with a malevolent junkyard magnet....only to discover that their master's new appliances aren't exactly pleased to see them. Featuring good old-fashioned animation and some lively musical numbers including a macabre stint in a used appliance store and a death row dirge played amongst rusting heaps of condemned cars. I suppose one could see a subtle jab at our consumer mentality but for the most part it's a lesson on the importance of respect, cooperation and self-sacrifice aimed squarely at the preschool crowd. Jon Lovitz and Phil Hartman lend their voices.
1612 (Russia 2007) (8): Vladimir Khotinenko's magnificent costume epic is a heady mix of historical revisionism and romantic fantasy with a tragic love triangle thrown in for good measure. Set during Russia's "Time of Troubles" at the beginning of the 17th century, the story revolves around the bloody struggle for the Tsar's throne left vacant after the ruling Gudenov family was assassinated. With the Polish military laying siege to Moscow and a brutish Polish nobleman determined to force the last remaining Gudenov, Princess Kseniya, into an arranged marriage it falls down to young Andrei, a lowly serf with a lifelong crush on Kseniya, to turn the tides of war and rescue the object of his desire. The film's gorgeous widescreen cinematography moves effortlessly between candlelit tunnels and blood-soaked battlefields while a few magical touches add a subtle fairytale sheen to what is essentially historical mythmaking. And the male leads are hunky perfection! A perfect popcorn movie.
Last House on the Left (USA 1972) (4): A pair of escaped convicts and their accomplices brutalize two young women but get more than they bargained for when one of the girls' parents decide to even the score. Although it stirred up considerable controversy upon its initial release Wes Craven's misogynistic slash-fest proved to be the template for all those "dead teenager" films that followed. With its shoestring budget, hammy performances and odd mixture of gore and lowbrow humour it's about as polished as an 8mm porn flick but it's still a bit of cinematic history and that alone makes it worth seeing if you can stomach the cruelty and surprisingly realistic blood. Personally, I was more shocked by the uber-tacky 70s sets; floral drapes, wood paneling and day-glo flowers.....bleccch!
The Decameron (Italy 1971) (7): Based on the 14th century writings of Boccaccio this series of ribald tales is crammed full of lusty nuns, murderous saints and adulterous housewives, all tied together with director Pier Paolo Pasolini's signature penchant for the scatological and the blasphemous. But, like an Italian take on "The Canterbury Tales", there is a finely honed satire at work beneath all the tasteless jokes and ample nudity. Pasolini's cast of unwashed amateurs lend an air of authenticity to the period sets, looking as if they just stepped out of Boccaccio's manuscript with all their warts and rotten teeth intact. Not for those with delicate sensibilities.
Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father (USA 2008) (9): In the Fall of 2005, 32-year old Dr. Andrew Bagby was found murdered in a Pennsylvania state park. The prime suspect Dr. Shirley Turner, his estranged girlfriend, promptly fled to Canada. While his parents fought for her extradition back to the USA Turner stunned everyone by claiming she was pregnant with Andrew's child...a boy she named Zachary. In this amazing documentary, Andrew's childhood friend Kurt Kuenne prepares a time capsule of sorts for Zachary so the child will know something of his father when he grows up. Following Andrew's grimly determined parents as they fight for custody of their only grandson, Kuenne casts a disparaging eye on Canada's pathetically outdated judicial system as it forces the grieving couple to jump through endless hoops. But he saves the final insult for last. The film's frantic editing style, composed of jump cuts and overlapping dialogue, is problematic at first but once the story really starts you will be glued to your seats.
Nobody Loves Me (Germany 1994) (8): The unfortunately named Fanny Fink finds herself single, unloved and on the wrong side of thirty. On top of that her dilapidated apartment building is going condo and she's joined a wacky death cult which believes the body is nothing but a corpse waiting to happen. Receiving no sympathy from her mother, a failed romance writer, it takes her eccentric neighbour, a voodoo priest-cum-drag diva with problems of his own, to give her the confidence she's sorely lacking. Like a dark Germanic version of Amelie (which came out seven years later) this charmingly oddball comedy is a winning blend of reality and the subtly absurd but with the innocent fluffiness of the Gallic hit replaced by some wonderfully macabre overtones. With it’s whimsical images of death, Carnivale-like embellishments, and ensemble of quirky characters, Nobody Loves Me appears a bit contrived at times (a detour into E.T. territory seems to have been added more as a convenient way to tie up a few loose ends than an integral plot device) and the film is definitely in need of some tidier editing. But director Doris Dörrie never takes things too seriously and her likable cast and enchanting storyline make it all worthwhile.
The Age of Stupid (UK 2009) (8): Set on a pollution-ravaged Earth circa 2065 this quasi-documentary/sci-fi hybrid stars Pete Postlethwaite as the embittered curator of the "Global Archives"; a stronghold off the coast of Norway built to house the last remnants of terrestrial life as well as the bulk of human knowledge. Looking back on the "Age of Stupid" (1950 - present) he pieces together what led up to the world's ecological and social collapse; a mixture of short-sightedness, corporate greed and unchecked consumerism. In the words of one 80-year old mountain guide, filmed as he gazed upon a shrinking glacier, “We knew how to profit but not how to protect...” A winning combination of actual news and documentary footage coupled with comic book effects which, unfortunately, will only be seen by those who already believe its dire message. Unsettling.
Far From the Madding Crowd (UK 1967) (8): Julie Christe, Terence Stamp, Alan Bates and Peter Finch headline this gorgeous adaptation of Thomas Hardy's 19th century novel. Stubborn and headstrong Bathsheba, just recently come into a large inheritance, finds herself being pursued by three very different suitors; a dashing cavalry officer with a heart of ice, an aging landowner desperate for one last chance at love, and a simple shepherd who has all but given up on her. Aided by Nicholas Roeg's sumptuous widescreen vistas of the Dorset countryside this 3-hour epic practically drips tragedy, heartbreak and romance from every frame. It doesn't quite reach the level of passion it was aiming for but all is easily forgiven.
Wrong Turn 2 (USA 2007) (6): A family of cannibalistic mutants living in the wilds of West Virginia take great delight in skewering, dismembering, and barbecuing the contestants of a Survivor-type reality television show. Tight editing and buckets of guts smooth out a rather silly premise (the superhuman freaks are victims of environmental pollution) and a few cheeky touches (they join hands and say grace before devouring a potful of human stew) add a much needed dash of macabre humour. Decent genre fare which fell victim to one too many sequels.
Wrong Turn 3 (USA 2007) (3): A group of horny teenagers get eaten by crazy mutant cannibals in the West Virginia woods. Cut to a prison breakout and a group of hardened criminals end up in the same woods where they are systematically and messily picked off one by one. Then there's the expected "twist" ending with an extra twist for good measure and a promise (or is it a threat?) of yet another sequel. Derivative, formulaic and all the more annoying for it; but the gore is most excellent.
Tenebre (Italy 1982) (7): When an American mystery writer visits Rome on a book promotion tour his arrival sparks a series of grisly murders which bear an uncanny resemblance to the misogynistic slayings in his latest novel. Soon he is receiving fanatical phone calls and cryptic notes from the twisted killer as the pair of homicide detectives assigned to the case run around in circles. With everyone dying around him it’s only a matter of time before the author becomes the next victim, but who could the murderer be? As the red herrings are messily picked off one by one the plot becomes increasingly diabolical culminating in a dark and stormy showdown bursting with hysterical screaming, fountains of crimson gore and a double ending that had me rolling on the couch. Gloriously overdone in every way this is classic giallo from Dario Argento, one of the genre’s undisputed masters. Not for every taste to be sure; there are no cerebral plot devices here, precious little logic and the cast of B-list actors are outshone by the manic performance of one very persistent doberman. But if you like a bit of sex and guts to go with your cheese then light up the bong and hit “play”.
Tropic of Cancer (USA 1970) (2): Rip Torn plays Henry Miller in this semi-autobiographical tale of an American Lothario eking out a living in Paris by bumming off the kindness of friends and strangers alike while bedding as many women as possible. Along the way we're forced to listen to his convoluted musings on everything from French architecture and fornication to the more intimate parts of the female anatomy (I lost count of the number of times "cunt" was mentioned). Its ample nudity and foul language garnered an "X" rating in 1970 but despite the racy subject matter it's little more than 90 minutes of pretentious navel gazing and bloated doggerel.
Control Alt Delete (Canada 2008) (4): Lewis is a chubby socially awkward cyber-geek working at a computer security firm on the eve of Y2K. Recently dumped by his girlfriend after she discovered his extensive cache of internet porn he finds himself becoming increasingly attracted to the one constant in his life that truly accepts him for what he is....computers. With the help of a drill, bubble wrap, some duct tape and a bottle of lube he's soon banging away at more than just keyboards, a clandestine habit that has his disgusted fellow employees searching for the mysterious "computer rapist". Against a backdrop of Y2K hysteria this dry satire tries to say something about being marginalized in an increasingly tech-obsessed society but its lightweight script and cartoonish characters produce little more than a vulgar sitcom. A subplot involving a co-worker gradually becoming numb from the feet up was a wasted metaphor that went nowhere and the "toilet cam" twist was just stupid. Good thing star Tyler Labine is just so damn huggable looking.
Snow Cake (UK/Canada 2006) (3): Following a horrific accident in which the young hitchhiker he picked up is killed, a British tourist with a few dark secrets tries to make peace by moving in with the young girl's badly autistic mother while finding release of a different kind with the woman next door. A healing trinity is formed and, thanks to the power of mental illness, everyone walks away transformed. This story of one guilt-ridden man's journey into light has a great premise but in typical Canadian fashion it is overly mawkish, arty and rife with dime store symbolism (ooh, metaphorical wallpaper and snow globes!) Great for those who like having a film’s message rammed down their throats with a jackhammer.
